Outside of peanut flavored M&M's, I've never been much of a candy person. Candy is not the place I go to when I am stressed, bored, lonely, or sad. I go to other things that are equally as toxic as a bag full of candy. However, I eat enough to know that I like my M&M's pea nutty and a little sweet. Not too nutty and not too sweet. Perfectly in the middle of both flavors. Every now and then I venture out of my M&M zone and go for something tart. Can you guess how I like tart candy? Yup, tart, but not too tart. Sheesh, I'm so predictable!

All this candy talk has me thinking about that phrase that's often used to describe something difficult and then juxtaposed with something good. You've used it before..."Saying goodbye was bittersweet". Well today, that well worn pairing of words accurately expresses my heart.

Last night, a young woman from our church, Lee Ann, was killed as she cycled with several folks. (You can read about Lee Ann and her amazing testimony at http://www.thebigride.org/) Looking at it today, every single part of this tragedy feels bitter, with the "sweet" part of her death yet to be revealed by the Lord. I am praying that her husband and son will know that sooner than later.

I was not one of the fortunate ones who knew Lee Ann well. Those that did are certainly struggling with the bitterness of her seemingly senseless death. But even from my place, I am deeply saddened and taste bitterness.

Now travel with me to the other end of the spectrum of this day to the "sweet" place God allowed me to visit. Six other women and I met this morning to pray corporately, followed by two hours of private prayer. Talk about sweet. Perfect sweetness.

God spoke to me from the Gospel of Matthew, from Psalm 119, from Isaiah, through my praying friends and as I poured out my heart to him while journaling. Here's just a taste of what he fed me with today...

"When Jesus arrived in the villages of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, 'What are people saying about who the Son of Man is?' They replied, 'Some think he is John the Baptizer, some say Elijah, some Jeremiah or one of the other prophets.'
He pressed them, 'And how about you? Who do you say I am?' Simon Peter said, 'You're the Christ, the Messiah, the Son of the Living God.' Jesus came back, 'God bless you Simon...And now I am going to tell you who you are, really are. You are Peter, a rock.' " (Matthew 16:13-18 -The Message)

That got me to wondering what name Jesus uses when referring to me. Who am I really? I have a name, I just don't know what it is yet!

Next he took me to Isaiah where he spoke about Israel and said, "But I'll take the hand of those who don't know the way, who can't see where they're going. I'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I'll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall into the ditch. These are the things I'll be doing for them - sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute."

God spoke directly to my unsettled heart leaving me with a sweet taste in my mouth, and a further desire to "taste,eat and see that the Lord is good."

Sometimes my heart cannot keep up with what I see and hear. But when I go to my Lord he steadies me as he places my feet on the solid rock, Jesus.

I've been a very, very bad blogger. Seems I've had blogger's block. Seriously though, God has been stirring things within me and as he stirs I am awed in to silence. For me to be silent requires me to be still...two things I am not very adept at. However, I believe that being still is putting me in a position to not just hear from God but really listen to God. Interestingly, when Abraham, Moses, David, Peter and Paul (just to name a few) were still and silent before God, he moved them spiritually and physically.

I've written before how much I cringe at even the thought of change. Here's a recent illustration of that. A few weeks ago, we rearranged the furniture in our guest room. Not only that, we had the room painted a color we have never used in any of our rooms before. I had nightmares for several days afterwards! But now I go up there and sit in the newness of it and wonder why we didn't do it sooner! Just by moving a few sticks of furniture and getting rid of some useless pieces the room has been refreshed.

So, I wait, in silent stillness anticipating that God will show me what needs to go and what needs to be rearranged.