A couple of reasons to smile!

The headlines have been particularly grim these past few weeks.  Thousands of people in Asia are trying to recover from a horrible devastation.  The loss of life is staggering.  It is reminiscent of 911, and the tsunami several years ago.  I can hardly get my mind around it.  And I wonder what I can do to help.  

Closer to home the race for president continues to be a boxing match with each hopeful pounding away at their competition.  Then, as I recently heard on the radio, "four imperious and unelected justices have just overridden the will of the voters in California" in regard to same sex marriage.  A little closer to home crime is on the rise and everyone seems to be doing what is right in their own eyes.  Lots of discouraging news.

Honestly, there are days when I vacillate between pulling the covers over my head or packing up all those who are dear to me and finding some little spot on the earth where there are no blaring headlines.  Even though those options are appealing that is not what I have been called to.  And truth be told these disturbing days are nothing new.  Go back a few thousand years and read about the Greek and Roman empire.

According to historians, both empires suffered from social, cultural and moral decay. Lawlessness and violence crippled their economy.  The rich got richer and in their quest for constant pleasure they did whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted to whomever they wanted.  The average citizen lost their voice as the powerful became even more powerful.

"British historian Catherine Edwards demonstrated that our current examples of immorality are not a modern phenomenon.  In her study she found that abortion and exposure were common ways to prevent childbirth in Rome.  Life became cheap in the latter days of the Roman Empire.  Burdensome regulation and taxes made manufacturing and trade unprofitable. Eventually, children were seen as a needless burden and abortion and infanticide became commonplace."

Sound familiar?  Doesn't that describe the world today?  Everyone deciding the rules for themselves.  Everyone trying desperately to soothe the never-ending ache within.  That was the world that Jesus was born in to...the world we live in today.

Jesus came with such unbelievable news.  "God, the Father, sent me to show you where real, soul satisfying life is found.  You don't have to search in vain any longer.  The days of profound loneliness and hopelessness are over.  I love you and I'll never stop.  During your darkest hour I'll be there.  My plan for you will fit you to a tee.  I will cleanse you, rescue you and give you rest.  You will experience beauty, love and peace like never before.  Just come to me." (my paraphrase)

So while living on an obscure island sounds good, I'm called to continue what Jesus began...sharing the truth of the Gospel.  And when I am discouraged with the way things are I remember that it's not over yet.  One day every knee will confess that Jesus is Lord.  In the meantime I need to be on my knees.

Tuesday, April 29th, was one of those days where gladness and sadness were co-mingled all day long. One year ago our sweet granddaughter came into the world. I cannot imagine my life without her in it. But Tuesday was also the day my sweet friend Lou passed away, after a courageous three year battle with cancer. And I am wondering how my life and those of her husband and sons will be without her. Life and death. Joy and sorrow. How can emotions that are polar opposites exist in the same space?

Much to my surprise, Lou's husband asked me to share some about the Lou I knew and loved. I was scared, humbled and excited. Lou and I had talked openly about her death. Those conversations became the meat of what I shared.

"Four years ago I met Lou for the first time. Our path might never have crossed if it wasn’t for our mutual desire to know God better. I can still remember the first gathering she came to. I asked her pointedly why she wanted to be in a Bible study. She said that she had recently quit work and decided there were three important things she wanted to do. “First”, she said with a little smile and twinkle in her eye, “I want to spend more time with my boys and my husband. Secondly, I want to lose weight!” And then with a touch of awe in her voice she said, “I want to study the Bible and really know God.”

After she answered, I was struck with her elegance; her ready, beautiful, smile and her tender heart. And I was immediately bowled over with her enthusiasm to know Christ better. And if my memory serves me correctly, I was speechless. But so were the rest of the girls in the group. You see Lou had walked into a gathering of women she barely knew and laid it right out there. We all fell in love with her right away.

Lou was always ready. Every week she came armed with her Bible and her homework completed. She was ready to dive in, ready to listen, ready to laugh, ready to bare our burdens, and ready to pray. Sometimes to look at her during Bible study was like watching a flower open up to the sun. Lou didn’t come to Bible study with expectations, she came with expectancy. Her heart was like a sponge, her faith child-like.

Over the years we have studied Exodus, the Gospel of Mark, the book of Acts. And this summer, after the official Bible study ended, the girls in the Bible study read the book Calm My Anxious Heart, which meant so much to Lou.

Lou was curious and diligent throughout the years we all studied together. And as her health began to fail she spoken openly and honestly with me about what she believed to be true. She had a certainty of hope that was anchored in God’s love for her and believed that God sent his Son and her believing in him would guarantee her eternal life. Lou believed that with her whole heart. She also knew that we all were created to have fellowship with God; but because of our own stubborn self-will we chose to go our own way, but in spite of that God made a way for us to know him through his son and to experience his love and design for our lives. Lou reached the place where she went from being religious to being in a relationship with God. And because of that relationship she knew great peace even in the midst of her darkest hours.

Over the past few months I’ve seen her stack of “Get Well” cards and inspirational books grow. As I handed her yet another book to add to the stack I realized that what we all wanted to do was to give her relief, peace and encouragement. However, after each visit with Lou I was the one who came away with relief, peace and encouragement. Because she was experiencing first hand what I worry about…Will God really show up? Will he be enough? Her answer was yes, he was present in every situation she faced. We all worry about if we will be able to walk through the valley of the shadow of death and not be afraid? She spoke of the peace and strength she found through him. That didn’t mean that she didn’t agonize over her not being there for Russell and Luke, not being able to love and support Mark, not enjoying her family and friends. She still struggled with being terminally ill. But she struggled well. With such earnestness she spoke to me of putting her hand in Jesus’ hand like a trusting child and letting her gentle Savior lead her on.

There is a cavernous hole left without Lou. I will miss her radiant smile, dancing eyes, and lovely hands. I will miss hearing her saying, “I love you sweetie” each time I left her. But I rest in what Lou rested in...

O God, you are my God,

earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you,

my body longs for you,

in a dry and weary land

where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary

and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life,

my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,

and in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods,

with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

On my bed I remember you;

I think of you through the watches of the night.

Because you are my help,

I sing in the shadow of your wings.

My soul clings to you;

your right hand upholds me."

Psalm 63

It was right there in the front yard...one droplet of water clinging to a leaf no bigger than a sewing needle. One droplet teeming with life reminding me of God's artistry.

One of the curses of being female, much to the dismay of our male counterparts, is that we have the capacity to feel a large range of emotions within a small period of time. Like within seconds! My husband was hopeful that once I passed the menopausal stage I would find an emotion and stick with it. Now what fun would that be? Besides, in order to have stages there must be something before and after...right? So, now I'm in the post-menopausal, empty-nest, testing ways to counter the effects of gravity, wondering why I'm not further along in my spiritual life, starting to talk about my health issues over dinner with friends stage. Did I mention my feet hurt?!

So, what's been on your mind lately? Have you been troubled, deeply moved, irritated, discouraged, encouraged, freed, convicted, challenged, or blessed in the recent past? Oh let me count the ways!

I've been troubled over friends who are battling cancer. Deeply moved by the men and women we recently met in China who have commited their lives to Christ despite intense persecution. Irritated with the constant barage of paid political announcements. Discouraged about my lack of faith. Encouraged that my lack of faith doesn't change the truth that God is crazy about me. Freed from crud that used to weigh me down. Convicted about sharing Jesus more boldly. Challenged to let go of my strategies. And blessed with relationships of great depth. However, I've also battled with less lofty thoughts. I can wrap my brain around something so insignificant and park it there for hours.

Wouldn't it be dandy if you could install an easily accessible switch, perhaps artfully hidden behind an ear, that would turn your brain off and on? I think I'll work on that. Hey, if they can transplant a heart, give you the face of a twenty year old, how difficult can it be? But until then, I'll stick to the solution God gives:

"Friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things, true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious, the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practise what you have learned from me, what you have heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." (Philippians 4:8-9)

My daughters have been on my mind alot this week. I still can hardly believe our youngest is married, and the oldest is thirty. But this morning my thoughts have been about Jackie, the middle child. She's the one who always jokes about not having as many childhood pictures as her sisters do because she was the "middle child". Truth be told, I probably screwed up with her more than her sisters. And during one of the most difficult times in her life, I was more concerned with her behavior than her heart. But inspite of that, Jackie invites me into the deep places of her soul. There I see a picture of redeemption and restoration which drops me to my knees in thankfulness.

Thirty years ago, on a balmy evening just like tonight, I was feeling the beginning pangs of labor with our first child. I remember being terrified and yet eager to meet this one who had given me indigestion and rumbled around in my belly for nine months! Nothing, however, had prepared me for the first time I looked into her little face. Never before that day had I believed in "love at first sight." Thirty years later I'm still in awe that God has allowed me to be the mother of this amazing young woman. And "love at first sight" has deepened into love at every sight.





Happy Birthday my blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty, Kelly.

It is always a pleasant surprise when I receive a comment on a posting. My prayer from my first entry has been that anyone who stumbles onto my blog would know that my life changed in 1967 by knowing Jesus and that my journey continues on only because of Jesus. I still struggle every single day. But I am in great company. From Genesis to Revelation, God's Word gives us story after story of men and women who had such promise but blew it. God wasn't after perfection in them and he isn't in me. He wants my trust, love and obedience and he gives me the ability to do those things through the power of his own spirit - the Holy Spirit.

One year ago, I began this blog which I entitled, "Traveling A Long Time in the Same Direction". The thought behind the title was to encapsulate what my spiritual journey had been and what I hoped it would continue to be...following Christ. That hasn't changed. However, I think my title needs a subtitle, one that might read like this..."When God Takes You Off-Road".

Since my last entry, way back in November, I've been eating a lot of dust. That brings up a memory. A few years ago I was riding on the back of an all terrain vehicle with no shock absorbers over a ditch-filled, pot-holed, rocky parcel of land. I bounced around in the back of that truck like a golf ball in a tumble dryer. And that sucker kicked up so much dust I was cleaning it out my ears and nose for hours afterwards. That pretty accurately describes where my head and heart have been.

For those who think people follow Christ because it is the easy way out of life or that they just use God as a crutch, well, they don't know the Christ I follow. I would love to tell you that if you give your life to Christ it will be like a nice, smooth, newly paved road. It is anything but. However, even at my most desperate moments (I had one of those yesterday) I would not trade knowing Jesus for anything. I've a lot more to say on that but let me close with a poem that never fails to touch me...I wish I'd written it.

The Road of Life

At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge,

keeping track of the things I did wrong,

so as to know whether I merited heaven

or hell when I die.

He was out there sort of like a president

I recognized His picture when I saw it,

but I really didn't know Him.

But later on

when I met Christ,

it seemed as though life were rather like a bike ride,

but it was a tandem bike,

and I noticed that Christ

was in the back helping me pedal.

I don't know just when it was

that He suggested we change places,

but life has not been the same since.

When I was in control,

I knew the way.

It was rather boring,

but predictable...

It was the shortest distance between two points.

But when He took the lead,

He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains

and through rocky places

at breakneck speeds,

it was all I could do to hang on!

Even though it looked like madness,

He said, "Pedal!"

I worried and was anxious and asked,
"Where are you taking me?"

He laughed and didn't answer,

and I started to learn to trust.

I forgot about my boring life

and entered into the adventure.

And when I'd say, "I'm scared,"

He'd lean back and touch my hand.

I did not trust Him, at first,

in control of my life.

I thought He'd wreck it;

but He knows bike secrets,

knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners,

knows how to jump to clear high rocks,

knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.

And I am learning to shut up and pedal

in the strangest places,

and I'm beginning to enjoy the view

and the cool breeze on my face

with my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ.

And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore,

He just smiles and says..."Pedal."

-author unknown

Chasing After the Wind

Shopping has never give me much of a thrill. In order to do it at all I have to be fortified by a good breakfast, have on comfortable shoes and have a written promise from whomever I go with that we are not going to lazily stroll through the mall, we will not be looking in every store, we will be out in an hour and we will conclude our time with lunch. But every now and then I grudgingly give in to one of our daughter's who has lovingly invited me to meet her at the mall for some girl time. The girls know the drill...move fast, keep Mom hydrated and fed, and know when it's time to leave!

"Why", you might ask, do I have such an aversion to a treasured national past-time? Let me explain... there really is a point to my ramblings!

We live in a day and age where we are being encouraged daily to re-invent ourselves. We're challenged by every possible source to evolve, try new things, be a new person, do whatever it takes to be happy and fresh.

There are certain realities that are guaranteed regardless of how hard we fight against them. For instance, growing older is a given. You have absolutely no choice in growing older. However, grappling with the changes of aging while trying to enjoy where you are and spending your time wisely is a variable. You do have a choice as to how you will travel through those realities.

Battling against the inevitable is an exhausting, unsatisfying, frustrating, never won fight. It’s like chasing the wind. We understand the uselessness of chasing the wind, sort of. But if someone writes a book called, How I Chased the Wind and Caught It, we will probably line up with all the other chasers and buy that sucker with the hopes that maybe the wind is worth chasing.

I’ll be honest with you, I’m a chaser. Always have been, always will be. My parents were chasers, their parents were chasers, and down the line... If we go to the beginning of mankind, we know that Adam and Eve were chasers too. I’ve chased after tons of things hoping there would be enough satisfaction and substance to them, that once found, would sustain me. I won’t bore you with a list of the various things I’ve subscribed to throughout my life anticipating they would bring me joy and fulfillment. However, being a chaser isn’t all bad. It’s what you pursue that makes the difference.

Paul says in Hebrews 12:1, “…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross…consider him…so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

God wants us to chase after him. But, unlike chasing the wind, the Bible promises that God loves those who love him and those who seek him will find him. He's definitely worth the chase.

Have you noticed the map locator on the sidebar? It's one of those widgets, (I'm beginning to speak a little blog!), that you can add to your blogsite that indicates where your readers are located. It is the coolest thing ever...the wonders of modern technology, I love it.

While the dot gives an approximate location of where you are it doesn't say anything about who you are. It's just a dot on a map. But the truth is you are much more than a dot. You've got a story and those little red circles have roused my curiosity.

I've always been curious about people, much to the embarrassment of my family! I was one of those kids who wasn't satisfied with being seen and not heard. Not much has changed in that regard. When my children were younger they used to cringe whenever we rode an elevator knowing that the chances were really high I would end up talking to anyone unfortunate enough to ride with us!

People are facinating, complex and downright surprising. And I think, for the most part, folks are desirous of being known. Why do you think blogging has become such a phenomenon? Blogging has become our opportunity to tell our story...the story of where we came from, where we are, where we're going, what we think, and what we believe.

So, fellow dots, what's your story?

I'm giddy today! Giddy over the change in my blog! Giddy because I actually changed something without having to breathe into a paper bag afterwards!

Huge thanks to Jennisa and Angela for providing a service for those of us that are blog-challenged. Want to spice up your boring blog? Go to http://www.jennisajoy.blogspot.com/.

Outside of peanut flavored M&M's, I've never been much of a candy person. Candy is not the place I go to when I am stressed, bored, lonely, or sad. I go to other things that are equally as toxic as a bag full of candy. However, I eat enough to know that I like my M&M's pea nutty and a little sweet. Not too nutty and not too sweet. Perfectly in the middle of both flavors. Every now and then I venture out of my M&M zone and go for something tart. Can you guess how I like tart candy? Yup, tart, but not too tart. Sheesh, I'm so predictable!

All this candy talk has me thinking about that phrase that's often used to describe something difficult and then juxtaposed with something good. You've used it before..."Saying goodbye was bittersweet". Well today, that well worn pairing of words accurately expresses my heart.

Last night, a young woman from our church, Lee Ann, was killed as she cycled with several folks. (You can read about Lee Ann and her amazing testimony at http://www.thebigride.org/) Looking at it today, every single part of this tragedy feels bitter, with the "sweet" part of her death yet to be revealed by the Lord. I am praying that her husband and son will know that sooner than later.

I was not one of the fortunate ones who knew Lee Ann well. Those that did are certainly struggling with the bitterness of her seemingly senseless death. But even from my place, I am deeply saddened and taste bitterness.

Now travel with me to the other end of the spectrum of this day to the "sweet" place God allowed me to visit. Six other women and I met this morning to pray corporately, followed by two hours of private prayer. Talk about sweet. Perfect sweetness.

God spoke to me from the Gospel of Matthew, from Psalm 119, from Isaiah, through my praying friends and as I poured out my heart to him while journaling. Here's just a taste of what he fed me with today...

"When Jesus arrived in the villages of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, 'What are people saying about who the Son of Man is?' They replied, 'Some think he is John the Baptizer, some say Elijah, some Jeremiah or one of the other prophets.'
He pressed them, 'And how about you? Who do you say I am?' Simon Peter said, 'You're the Christ, the Messiah, the Son of the Living God.' Jesus came back, 'God bless you Simon...And now I am going to tell you who you are, really are. You are Peter, a rock.' " (Matthew 16:13-18 -The Message)

That got me to wondering what name Jesus uses when referring to me. Who am I really? I have a name, I just don't know what it is yet!

Next he took me to Isaiah where he spoke about Israel and said, "But I'll take the hand of those who don't know the way, who can't see where they're going. I'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I'll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall into the ditch. These are the things I'll be doing for them - sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute."

God spoke directly to my unsettled heart leaving me with a sweet taste in my mouth, and a further desire to "taste,eat and see that the Lord is good."

Sometimes my heart cannot keep up with what I see and hear. But when I go to my Lord he steadies me as he places my feet on the solid rock, Jesus.

I've been a very, very bad blogger. Seems I've had blogger's block. Seriously though, God has been stirring things within me and as he stirs I am awed in to silence. For me to be silent requires me to be still...two things I am not very adept at. However, I believe that being still is putting me in a position to not just hear from God but really listen to God. Interestingly, when Abraham, Moses, David, Peter and Paul (just to name a few) were still and silent before God, he moved them spiritually and physically.

I've written before how much I cringe at even the thought of change. Here's a recent illustration of that. A few weeks ago, we rearranged the furniture in our guest room. Not only that, we had the room painted a color we have never used in any of our rooms before. I had nightmares for several days afterwards! But now I go up there and sit in the newness of it and wonder why we didn't do it sooner! Just by moving a few sticks of furniture and getting rid of some useless pieces the room has been refreshed.

So, I wait, in silent stillness anticipating that God will show me what needs to go and what needs to be rearranged.

Upstairs, on the desk in my office was a DVD loaded with pictures of my Dad. It had been in the same spot for weeks, sitting there beckoning to me. I did just what I used to do as a little girl when my parents would call me away from playing...I ignored it. Somehow in the arranging and re-arranging of the stacks on my desk it kept resurfacing. So much for my avoidance strategy. It just seemed too soon and I knew it would hurt to see Dad's face. But one afternoon last week, the braver part of me grabbed the disc and slipped it into the DVD player.

Guess what? It did hurt. I cried like Dad had just died that day. But it was a good hurt. I'd been avoiding the potential strength of a hurt that might crush me. Instead, I was surprised with a hurt that relieved me. How strange is that? I believe what I experienced was an outpouring of God's grace. Grace that promises to be sufficient and timely.

I'm tucking that moment away in my mind. I might need to pull it out someday when I am wondering if God really cares.

Recently, I received this email from a friend. ""You haven't been blogging." Point taken!

I'm still easing in from being away for two months and processing some rather significant changes in my life. Aren't those excellent excuses? Honestly, I am not sure how to begin again. Hmm, guess I just did...

Perhaps, since my dad is still on my mind so often, a few words he wrote years ago might get the ball rolling...

Smile...Laugh...Roar
"You smile when you think of something funny. You laugh when you hear something funny. And you roar when you are a part of the fun.

A smile changes a part of your face. A laugh changes all of the face, and a roar moves the entire body!

Smile lines are soft and gentle around the mouth...laugh lines are more pronounced and around the eyes causing what are called "laughing eyes". Roaring lines are all over the body...this is how aerobics started.

Smiling is an art form...there are thin smiles...fat smiles...short smiles...long smiles...toothy smiles...tonsil smiles. There there is the happy smile as in, "let a smile be your umbrella". Then there are sad smiles as in, "smile though your heart is breaking". There is the haunting smile of Mona Lisa and the most precious of all...a baby's first smile.

A beautiful smile is a great money maker...ask any dentist. Any doctor will tell you that a smile will relax the facial muscles unless it is a fixed smile which can become frightening!

Smile awhile...grin and bear it...laugh a little and share it."

Sigmund J. Was

I hope these thoughts bring a smile to your face. They do to mine each and every time I read them.

This is the first time in weeks that I have had the chance to do any blogging. Between my Dad's passing, leaving for a previously planned sabbatical several days later, and the lack of internet access, there has been no sign of life from me. My heart is still beating some days with more gusto than others.

I have been astounded with God's mercy, grace and the intricate way his plans for my life have unfolded these past 24 days. God knew that the days of my Dad's life were numbered and that on June 26th Dad left this life for life eternal with the Lord. At the same time, nine months ago as we were planning our two month sabbatical, God planned it so that Dad's death and our leaving would dovetail perfectly.

The thought of leaving Dad, knowing how close to death he was, was excruciating. I didn't know how I was going to get on the plane. But the creator of the universe had been weaving a plan unknown to me. To be quite frank, I was about to explode worrying about Dad, trying to get things in order legally if he was to pass while we were away, and get us ready for our trip. Never before in my life have I experienced such a severe physical reaction to stress as I did toward the end of June. Amazingly, the day after Dad's service, which was wonderful, all that stress just fell off. God once again bathing me in his grace.

There is so much more to write about but the time constraints of using an Internet cafe where they charge by the minute, prohibit me from writing more. However, I must conclude with this...things are changing in me. I can sense the movement of the Spirit of God in a fresh way.

Please pray for us as we travel (we are in Scotland) and for Jimmy and I to dive deeper and deeper in our times with the Lord.

Yesterday, at 9:11 a.m., my sweet Dad went to be with the Lord. I think that after Dad saw Jesus face to face and fell on his knees in worship, he said, "So, where are we going for dinner!"

God's timing has been amazing in these last few weeks. There are so many ways He answered our prayers. This morning in my quiet time I read in I Peter (from The Message) that I should "drink deeply the kindness of God". I am.

Thanks to all of you who prayed for us. We are experiencing the sufficiency of God's grace.

Dad just one year ago. Kind, funny, quirky, deaf (!), engaging, peaceful and generous.

Today, on the way to see my Dad at the nursing home and meet with Hospice, I realized that I have been holding my breath for nearly three months. Not literally of course but emotionally. Watching my Dad go inch by inch has put me on high alert, dreading the call informing us that he has passed away.

I love my Dad fiercely, but I am not the one who has numbered his days. However, my actions seem to indicate that I think I have. Sadly, I've been here before.

About nine years ago, when one of our daughters was going through a difficult time, I turned into a well trained watch dog. Nothing was going to get past me. My hyper-vigilance turned me into a woman that I no longer recognized. And since God wasn't moving quickly enough for me, I thought I needed to take his place. How kind I was to give him some time off from being omniscient and omnipresent.

I did a wonderful job playing God. I became bitter, cold, distant, angry...a dead woman walking. And oddly enough, things didn't get better they got significantly worse. Seriously worse. Fortunately, I didn't get what I deserved...God's wrath. Instead, he poured, no he flooded me with his grace. And while I wanted to run from him, I couldn't shake him! It took two years before I let myself be carried away with his grace. Two years...

So, here I am again. Ever the watch dog. Except it has taken me much less time to figure out I can't sustain this and I am not supposed to.