This is the first time in weeks that I have had the chance to do any blogging. Between my Dad's passing, leaving for a previously planned sabbatical several days later, and the lack of internet access, there has been no sign of life from me. My heart is still beating some days with more gusto than others.

I have been astounded with God's mercy, grace and the intricate way his plans for my life have unfolded these past 24 days. God knew that the days of my Dad's life were numbered and that on June 26th Dad left this life for life eternal with the Lord. At the same time, nine months ago as we were planning our two month sabbatical, God planned it so that Dad's death and our leaving would dovetail perfectly.

The thought of leaving Dad, knowing how close to death he was, was excruciating. I didn't know how I was going to get on the plane. But the creator of the universe had been weaving a plan unknown to me. To be quite frank, I was about to explode worrying about Dad, trying to get things in order legally if he was to pass while we were away, and get us ready for our trip. Never before in my life have I experienced such a severe physical reaction to stress as I did toward the end of June. Amazingly, the day after Dad's service, which was wonderful, all that stress just fell off. God once again bathing me in his grace.

There is so much more to write about but the time constraints of using an Internet cafe where they charge by the minute, prohibit me from writing more. However, I must conclude with this...things are changing in me. I can sense the movement of the Spirit of God in a fresh way.

Please pray for us as we travel (we are in Scotland) and for Jimmy and I to dive deeper and deeper in our times with the Lord.

Yesterday, at 9:11 a.m., my sweet Dad went to be with the Lord. I think that after Dad saw Jesus face to face and fell on his knees in worship, he said, "So, where are we going for dinner!"

God's timing has been amazing in these last few weeks. There are so many ways He answered our prayers. This morning in my quiet time I read in I Peter (from The Message) that I should "drink deeply the kindness of God". I am.

Thanks to all of you who prayed for us. We are experiencing the sufficiency of God's grace.

Dad just one year ago. Kind, funny, quirky, deaf (!), engaging, peaceful and generous.

Today, on the way to see my Dad at the nursing home and meet with Hospice, I realized that I have been holding my breath for nearly three months. Not literally of course but emotionally. Watching my Dad go inch by inch has put me on high alert, dreading the call informing us that he has passed away.

I love my Dad fiercely, but I am not the one who has numbered his days. However, my actions seem to indicate that I think I have. Sadly, I've been here before.

About nine years ago, when one of our daughters was going through a difficult time, I turned into a well trained watch dog. Nothing was going to get past me. My hyper-vigilance turned me into a woman that I no longer recognized. And since God wasn't moving quickly enough for me, I thought I needed to take his place. How kind I was to give him some time off from being omniscient and omnipresent.

I did a wonderful job playing God. I became bitter, cold, distant, angry...a dead woman walking. And oddly enough, things didn't get better they got significantly worse. Seriously worse. Fortunately, I didn't get what I deserved...God's wrath. Instead, he poured, no he flooded me with his grace. And while I wanted to run from him, I couldn't shake him! It took two years before I let myself be carried away with his grace. Two years...

So, here I am again. Ever the watch dog. Except it has taken me much less time to figure out I can't sustain this and I am not supposed to.

The pace of our lives these past few weeks has kept me away from blogging...several other things have also fallen by the wayside.

The word for the month of June has been "change". Our youngest daughter went from being a college student to a quasi employed worker. Our two other daughters and their families are also facing lots of change. Our best friends for 31 years have moved many miles away. My Dad's health is rapidly declining. Once a vibrant, engaging man, he is now less than 90 pounds. A man who doesn't eat, rarely drinks and is talking less and less each day...changing radically right before our eyes.

Have I mentioned that I hate change? I can barely move a stick of furniture without feeling faint! And yet, this is right where God has me...looking at lots of loose threads wondering what sort of tapestry God is weaving. I must admit to you that my emotions are bouncing around like a ping pong ball. You see, I want to see the end of some of these stories. I am not comfortable with mystery. How many of you are like me? You know the type that has to finish a book, even if it's lousy, just to see how it ends. The type that gets a little crazy when there is absolutely nothing you can do?

Recently, while reading the Gospel of Matthew in The Message, I came upon a most interesting phrase. Jesus is speaking to His disciples and tells them that He can heal them of their "inner torment". I'm hanging on to that...some days just barely.

Several weeks ago I asked for prayer for Christie Smith, a young woman who was thrown from a horse and suffered brain trauma injury. I am thrilled to let you know that Christie is making wonderful progress. She has many months of rehab ahead of her but God is doing miraculous things for her. If you would like to read about Christie's journey go to:

www.caringbridge.com

At the site, type in christiesmith and it will take you to her site. Please continue to pray for Christie and her parents, Paul and Taffney.

In my March 18th post, I mentioned some of the good news - bad news that had been happening either in our lives or in those that we love. My friend, Lou, who had a recurrence of cancer several months ago, is having an important scan next week and I am asking you to join me in praying for her.

Five minutes in Lou's presence and you would be struck with her elegant carriage, her ready, beautiful smile and her tender heart. I met Lou at Bible study and was immediately bowled over with her enthusiasm to know Christ better. She's one of those women who is smart and lovely - a lethal combination! She fiercely loves her family and is concerned about the toll of this recurrence on them. So, pray for them as well.

Over the years, I have been privileged to meet lots of different people. Some have come through the doors of the church my husband pastors, others in Bible studies, some from our neighborhood, or through our kids and even in the check out line at Harris Teeter. Each of them has been brought in to my life for some reason whether I know them for ten seconds, ten minutes or ten years. I want to see them...really see them. It only takes a minute for me to look in someone's eyes and allow them to see Jesus shining out of mine. What a wonderful way to spend my time.

Just in case you were wondering...our granddaughter, Caroline Gray, is now two weeks old and doing well! (Thanks for asking Lacey!) She is such a little mush...I can't stop kissing her sweet little cheeks. Ware is getting the hang of having a little sister! Today he actually kissed and hugged her without prompting. Of course, no one knows what he whispered in her ear! Maybe something like, "Okay, it looks like you're here to stay...just don't mess with my toys"!

Seriously, this being a grandmother is better than I could have ever imagined. All the fun and none of the stress. Hindsight gives me the luxury of knowing that Ware and Caroline Gray will talk, walk, become potty trained before high school, sleep through the night, dress themselves and some day understand who Jesus is and how important it is to have a relationship with Him. And the best thing is that at this season in their lives the Lord has allowed us to live close enough to have a front row seat as they reach each milestone. For these days we are so thankful.

Speaking of being thankful...our youngest daughter, Graylyn, is graduating from college this Saturday. We are incredibly proud and anxious to see what path God has set before her. During the past few weeks she has gone through a difficult situation with dignity and integrity. We can see such growth and maturity in her. Again, for these days we are so thankful.

In Max Lucado's book, God Came Near, he says that his prayer for his book is that "the Divine Surgeon will use it as a delicate surgical tool to restore sight. That blurriness will be focused and darkness dispersed. That the Christ will emerge from a wavy figure walking out of a desert mirage to become the touchable face of a best friend." That is my prayer for this blog. If you don't know Christ, my prayer is that you will. And if you do know Him that you will want to know Him better.

It is a thrilling experience to hear how people go from blindness to sight. A changed life speaks volumes. Our stories of coming to Christ are really Him coming after us. So periodically, I will share the stories of those who were once lost but have been found...who were once blind but now can see. The first will be from Sally - a lovely, gentle, tenderhearted woman who is deeply in love with her Savior.

Sally's story...
"My testimony - I feel like I should be standing in court and that you, the jury is going to judge my statement. In court, the verdict strives to seek out the truth. In my case, the story rests on the truth.

The fact is for 38 years I never knew what the truth was. I thought I did. I grew up in a Christian family in the north, attended an Episcopalian church with Bishop Spong as head of the Diocese in our area and with Gene, the newly ordained gay Bishop as my youth leader. It was a liberal place. However, my Grandmother and my parents were very active in the church and taught me to work hard, live right, and that "to whom much is given, much is expected". I had memorized the Apostle's and Nicene Creeds. And I remember watching Billy Graham on my parent's black and white TV and feeling closest to God at that time.

In college I thought I had it all figured out. Sally's Christianity. I loved God. I knew how to live a life that would probably please Him. Don't lie or cheat, be nice to everyone, give to the needy, give of yourself when possible and say grace and your bedtime prayers. I did all right at following most rules. I would have never made it to the Pharisee level, but I would have wanted to be friends with them. However, where was I in Sunday School when they taught Ephesians 2:8-9, "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is a gift of God - not by works, so that no man can boast"?

For the first eights years of my marriage, we were really too busy to go to church with moving several times from coast to coast, working and having babies. However, when we were moving to the South and settling down, I knew the right thing to do was to join a church. As a matter of fact, we joined a church before we even moved just to enroll our kids in the right preschool program! We were all set.

God, despite me ignoring Him, blessed me incredibly! In one of Beth Moore's studies I remember her saying that sometimes the hardest time to draw near to God is when things are going well. That was me! Blessed beyond words with three little boys, a husband who adored me, supportive and loving parents, financial security, good health and many nice friends. It was as if God was saying to me..."Do you have enough yet to make you happy?" I didn't! I had such emptiness in my heart and I had no idea why.

In 1966, my husband was working two full time jobs and traveling a lot. God choreographed this so well...Don was home and took care of our boys so I could go by myself to the Billy Graham Crusade. My husband then had to go out of town, which left me alone to sort through all the thoughts Rev. Graham had churned up. That Friday night I listened to Michael W. Smith on a CD loaned to me because he was singing the next night at the teen crusade. I had to go back and bring my boys. I remember tears rolling down my cheeks as I listened to him sing - "I walked the road, with holes in my hands and feet...to make a way...come follow me. I am waiting for you." Now that was personal!

I was beginning to get it. Before that weekend I can honestly say that I remember thinking, "I know why we pray to God, the Creator, but why is Jesus just as important"?

My heart emptied out that evening as I asked for forgiveness and the Holy Spirit moved in after I had kept Him out for so long. I can say that now but who was the Holy Spirit anyway? I was just figuring out who Jesus really was! I just knew it felt so right.

The next night was magical. I brought our boys 11, 9, and 5 to the teen crusade in the pouring rain. Michael W. Smith did sing and when Billy Graham stood up to speak, the crowd hushed and the rain stopped! God was so present. I was so aware of the audience. I suddenly saw Christ in people. It felt good. I got it!

For the first time, I realized that Christ had died for me. That He was MY hero and MY savior! I no longer wanted to do good because I was supposed to, but because I longed to please God - to thank Him in some small way for all He did for me.

Sunday morning came and I knew I couldn't go back to my church. I knew that God was telling me to go somewhere else. I found a church meeting in a gym with no hymnals, people in jeans, and a young minister who spoke from his heart with such passion for Christ.

By God's grace, a new history began for me and my family. My life has changed. My friends and priorities have shifted. For ten years I have never again felt that hole in my heart. Sadness, fear, and anxiety, yes...but at least I know where to turn and where I am headed.

My prayer for my future comes from another Michael W. Smith song that goes like this...
"If they were to write a book about the stories of my life they would have to mention you with every page they'd write. Always love me, never leave me.." Amen

For the last 40 years I have called myself a Christian. In my early years of following Christ I was front and center all the time. I had incredible zeal and boldness. There wasn't a person that I wouldn't share my faith with. And I had a hunger for the Word that was insatiable. I was also a lot like Peter...impulsive, arrogant, loud-mouthed and reckless.

In the Gospel of Luke, Luke introduces him as "Simon, who he also named Peter." "Peter" was sort of a nickname and one of the first things Jesus said to him. Even though Jesus gave him the name "Peter", which means "rock", he sometimes referred to him as Simon.

In the book Twelve Ordinary Men by John MacArthur, Peter is described as brash, vacillating and undependable. He made lots of promised that he couldn't keep. He started things and then bailed out. He was the first one in and the first one out! It looks like Jesus changed his name because he wanted that nickname, "the rock", to be a reminder to him about who he should be. So, whenever Jesus spoke to him, the name he used sent Peter a subtle message. If he called him "Simon", he was reminding him that he was acting like his old self. When he called him "rock", he was commending him for acting the way he should be.

Peter, a brash, impetuous, overeager disciple was also the disciple who confessed Christ more boldly than the others. And while Jesus was dragged throughout the city prior to his crucifixion, Peter was the one who tried to stay as close to Jesus as he could. And in spite of his sinful tendencies and spiritual weaknesses, the Lord wanted to use him and promised to sustain him no matter what. Peter's character was developed through his intimate association with Christ.

With that as the backdrop, I have been wondering what God's nickname is for me? And how often He uses it when referring to me? I've been called "Suzi" as long as I can remember but when Jesus is at the right hand of the Father interceding for me, what name does He whisper in the Father's ear? Based on Simon's new moniker, "Peter - the rock", my nickname must be indicative of who I can be. However, I will probably never know, this side of heaven, what that nickname is. So then, what am I to live up to?

I figured the best way to find that out was to read the letters of the man who had gone from "Simon the unstable" to "Peter the rock" and this is what I found, this is what I am supposed to become. I am to...

• Let myself be pulled in to a life shaped by God's life - a life energetic and blazing with holiness.
• Have a consciousness about God
• Drink deep of God's pure kindness
• Speak out for Him
• Not indulge my ego
• Exercise my freedom through obedience
• Cultivate inner beauty
• Bless others
• Say nothing evil or hurtful
• Snub evil - cultivate good
• Run after peace
• Keep my heart attentive
• Think like Jesus
• Stay awake in prayer (this from the man who couldn't stay awake in the Garden!)
• Love others
• Be glad in difficulty
  
• Be content with who I am
• Live carefree before God
• Stay alert
• Compliment my faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, generous love
• Keep my mind in a state of undistracted attention
• Daily expect God - He might return today
• Live at my best in purity and peace
• Grow in grace and understanding of Jesus

(From the Message)

While I may never know God's pet name for me, He certainly has given me enough directives and the power of the Holy Spirit to guide me on my way to becoming exactly who He knows I can be. The list is pretty long, I better get started...

On Sunday morning, April 29th, at 12:02 we welcomed in to this world our sweet new granddaughter! She is absolutely amazing.

Caroline Gray joins her brother, Ware, who is starting to get used to this new addition to his world!

Today I feel the undeniable joy of seeing the miracle of God's design in Caroline Gray. How can anyone not believe in God?

When Ware was born I told everyone I had fallen in love with a short, fat, bald guy! Well, I've fallen in love again...this time with a dark haired little angel. Thank you to all that have prayed for her.

I have exhausted my blogging abilities trying to fix the "comment" area of my blog. Other than signing up for a Google account (which is free and doesn't mean you have to start a blog), I cannot figure out how to fix the problem. Evidently I'm not the only one experiencing this since there are many others who are as frustrated as me.

So, now it's time to improvise! Since I want to hear your thoughts and read about your journey's I have set up an email account for that sole purpose. You can email me at: woozisuds73 at hotmail dot com

Now you have no excuse!

Several of you have said you have tried to leave comments after a post and have been unable to do so. After doing some searching, the problem might be a glitch in the system. I have tweaked one thing which might allow you to leave comments. If after leaving one you don't get confirmation regarding that, then try again, this time checking the "anonymous" option. You can always leave your name in the body of your comment. I think things get hung up if you don't have a Google account... but I also think I can diagnosis medical conditions!

I never saw it coming...I am now an addicted blogger. That means I spend way too much time flitting from one blog to another, investigating new links I can add to my blog, thinking about what I can write about next. Great...one more thing to add to my ever growing list of things I need to be disciplined about. Who knew that the phrase "view blog" would give me such a thrill?

On April 5th, a young woman from our church, named Christie, was thrown from a horse and suffered trauma to the brain. She has been in a coma since the accident. Her family is keeping everyone updated on a daily basis so we can be praying for this wonderful girl. Christie is the only child of Paul and Taffney...the apple of their eye. Please pray for this family as they ride the rollercoaster of news and emotion.

As we have shared this request with anyone and everyone, we were notified that through a series of people, the underground church in Wuhan, China is praying for Christie. This means that thousands, yes I said thousands, of Christians in China are bringing Christie's needs before our Heavenly Father. The number of people praying is not as significant as the fact that others in the Body care enough to pray for a stranger. Wow!

We are of course, praying for her healing, but we also want God to be glorified through this. Her parents are faithful followers of Christ. They sent an update yesterday asking us to be praying for several families who have children in the same hospital, in the same brain trauma unit. Can you imagine being in the middle of such difficult circumstances and being sensitive to the needs of others? I must confess a deep sense of conviction over the selfishness that is present in my life more than I care to admit.

God is teaching us all through this.

He is risen just as
He said!

Good Friday. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son that whoever believes in Him will not die but have life everlasting."

Still on the same road...still pressing on toward the goal of knowing Christ more fully.

Due to boredom with my previous blog format, I have made the switch to "dots"! The good news with this new format is that somehow the links that had disappeared have mysteriously reappeared! "Eliot's" blog continues to stir me. I urge you to read it and view the short movie they produced about baby Eliot.

Following directions has never been my strong suit so trying to make a fancier blog hasn't gone well. Evidently there are certain things that have to be done in a specific order and...well...I just don't follow directions!

Somehow I know there is a direct correlation with my being directionally challenged and my struggle with following the mandates God has laid out in His Word. I would like to tell you that I am a good follower of Christ, but I have this sin nature that keeps popping up...so very annoying. The irony is "my way" doesn't even begin to compare to His. "My way" doesn't satisfy. So, you would think I would get it. I suppose I am in good company. The disciples, who lived with Jesus, often were clueless. However, Jesus chose those 12 uneducated, normal guys to turn the world upside down. I suspect He will use me to do the same when I follow His way and not "my way".

The most incredible thing is that in spite of my fumbling and faltering ways He pours out His compassion on me daily. And even though, more times than I care to admit, I give Him the cold shoulder He promises that He will never leave me or forsake me. I can barely comprehend that kind of grace.

It's amazing! It seems that more than just my immediate family is taking a gander at my blog! So to all of you...all two of you...thanks! I have found this to be quite cathartic, writing my inner thoughts. Therefore, I want to encourage you to write a blog even if you never have before. The site might be hard to navigate...it has been for this old girl...but it is a wonderful way to express yourself. Much better than dying your hair black or having a tattoo of a dove inked on your abdomen(it will start looking like a hawk in a few years!).

Keep in mind that the chances of you winning a Pulitzer Prize are slim. So, write with abandon!

One of the wonderful by-products of being a blogger is that you get to read the blogs of other folks. And, if you are lucky, you might find some common ground with an incredible person.

One of my incredible persons is a new friend, Lacey. I mentioned her several weeks ago. She had been on my heart for several days so I sent her a message to see how she was. Lacey is in that terrible place where the reality of her sweet sister's death has come crashing down on her. These endless waves of grief have left her exhausted, profoundly sad and full of questions.

So dear readers, I am going to ask you to pray for this sister in Christ. I realize that you don't know her but I feel compelled to ask you to join me in bringing her to the Father. Who knows...maybe some day I will be able to share with you how God answered our prayers for Lacey.

Thank you...