Monday

Upstairs, on the desk in my office was a DVD loaded with pictures of my Dad. It had been in the same spot for weeks, sitting there beckoning to me. I did just what I used to do as a little girl when my parents would call me away from playing...I ignored it. Somehow in the arranging and re-arranging of the stacks on my desk it kept resurfacing. So much for my avoidance strategy. It just seemed too soon and I knew it would hurt to see Dad's face. But one afternoon last week, the braver part of me grabbed the disc and slipped it into the DVD player.

Guess what? It did hurt. I cried like Dad had just died that day. But it was a good hurt. I'd been avoiding the potential strength of a hurt that might crush me. Instead, I was surprised with a hurt that relieved me. How strange is that? I believe what I experienced was an outpouring of God's grace. Grace that promises to be sufficient and timely.

I'm tucking that moment away in my mind. I might need to pull it out someday when I am wondering if God really cares.

4 comments:

Just Me said...

Ahh Suzi...I could just picture you crying..but at the same time, it almost sounded like God had an angel who kept putting that DVD back up on the top of the pile, because He knew, you needed that cry! Remember, that we can't heal, what we don't feel - and yes, it hurts, but as the you cry the grief out...joy comes. My dad passed away quite awhile ago..and I used ot go inthe card shops around Fathe'rs day, and look at the cards, and cry. Now..I go and look and laugh at which ones he would have liked. I'll be praying for you - it all takes time...- but it will heal.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for letting me listen to what's happening in you, Mom.

I miss you.

j

Angie Miller said...

so glad you are back and blogging. it is so good to feel connected and know what is going on with you and how to pray for you. love you

the swineharts said...

I love you Suzi Lynn Was......I miss you. Can we get together soon!!??