What's Left Behind

We get the local paper every morning.  My husband, who doesn't have time to read it in the morning, leaves it for me in the same spot on the kitchen table every day.  It beckons to me with it's freshly printed, nicely folded pages and catchy headlines inviting me to read the stories below.  I succumb but not before scrambling an egg, toasting my bread and pouring myself an unsweetened glass of tea.  

I never start with the front page...too much bad news too soon.  So I head for the local section then on to the pages that contains my favorite part of the newspaper, the comic strips!  Before diving in to the big news articles, I gingerly turn to the obituaries, the ultimate in bad news.

For the most part, I usually know when someone has passed away before it makes the paper, but there have been a few times when I've been shocked and surprised to see the picture of an old acquaintance.  You'd think with my aversion to bad news I wouldn't even venture to that section.  What draws me is a fascination with the words used to honor those who have passed away.  Having written two obituaries myself I've decided a few columns of verbiage only give the reader a slight window into the heart of the individual being grieved.

Perhaps I'm alone in this, but I want to read more than a list of accomplishments.  I find myself reading between the lines looking for a clue that will tell me about the character of the one whose picture speaks of happier times.  In other words, I wonder, besides the laundry list of jobs and awards what the deceased left to those left behind, and I'm not talking about money or things.

Back in January, I was able to accompany my husband to Thailand to attend a conference at which he was the speaker.  Toward the end of the week we attended a dinner for those who were involved in the week long symposium.  At our table were men and women with an obvious love for the Lord and a passion for spreading the Gospel.  Several of the men in attendance were successful professionals hailing for all over the globe.  Men who generously offered their resources and expertise to the organization that hosted the event.

During dinner I had an interesting discussion with one gentleman about his family.  Without much provocation on my part, he went from telling me general information about his family to asking me, in a round about way, if I thought he was doing a good job as a Dad.  Quite a deep question.

Apparently, both this gentleman's children are exceptional in tennis.  So talented, he and his wife set up a home in another state to allow their kids an opportunity to be a part of an intensive training program to further develop their skill.  His wife lives with the children and he sees them every two to three weeks.

By sharing his angst with me, a virtual stranger, it was clear he was experiencing a great deal of turmoil regarding this arrangement.  Since he opened the door, I gingerly stepped through it and asked him if there was anything he could do to change the situation, to which he quickly replied, "I've worked hard to get where I am.  And as a result my kids have this great chance to receive outstanding training."  But just as quickly, with eyes downcast, he quietly said, "I wonder if it's the right thing.  I don't get to spend much time with them and I feel like I'm missing out on knowing who they are right now."

I had just met the man and didn't think it was appropriate to give my sage advice at that time, in that setting.  So, instead, I gave him what I hoped was a warm smile of encouragement and with that the conversation ended.  That one exchange has stuck with me and led me to ponder what really is important to kids? 

Throughout our ministry, I have had countless opportunities to talk with folks about their families and more often than not, the subject of their family of origin comes up.  Some of the stories I've heard have been wonderful and heartwarming.  Others have broken my heart.

What I've come away with is that kids of all ages want their parents to be a solid, safe place. They want parents who are men and women of  good character because good character in Mom and Dad means a foundation on which they can model their own lives.

Spending time with family is huge but it's so much more than simply time.  It's about substance. The man at dinner was worried about time when he should have been concerned with substance and character.  His children will probably be thankful for the incredible chance they had to be more proficient in tennis.  However, will being away from their Dad physically, emotionally and spiritually cause them to wish for what our hearts long for from our own earthly parents?Deep, soul-satisfying connection?

Some day my dinner companion's children are going to be faced with the task of writing their father's obituary.  What will they say?  What will they treasure in their hearts for the rest of their days?  For that matter, what will my kids write about me?  

Watching for Weeds

According to the experts, our area has been in a severe drought for almost four years.  During the worst of it, only the strongest and hardiest vegetation survived.  Where tender shoots of grass once grew, weeds of every variety took over.  So, instead of mowing lush, green lawns, folks were busy hacking down weeds.

This season, however, the skies have done more than just promise rain they've delivered it.  Some days it's been gentle and steady.  Other days, the clouds have turned gunmetal gray, bumping around in the atmosphere causing thunder and lightning, while bursting open and soaking the earth.  Now instead of parched ground, our fair town looks like Emerald City.  I'm thrilled, except for one thing.  The weeds are bigger, healthier and more prolific than ever!  I actually believe that if I stood still long enough I would be covered in weeds, unable to move.

I'm sick of these pesky plans that grow where they're not wanted.  You have them.  They're tenacious.  They survive in any environment; they compete with the shrubs you purposely plant, for sunlight, water and mineral nutrients.  Some are even more sinister and grow directly on your plants and either weaken or kill them.  You can pull them, whack them and try to obliterate them but still they come.

What can I do about my weeds?  Should I just give in?  Deny their existence?  Feed them? Whatever I choose I am sure that to ignore them means my yard will become a chaotic, tangled mess.

Several years ago, agriculturalist in Oregon stumbled upon a new variety they dubbed the "slender false brome, an aggressive, invasive weed known to suppress the growth of native plant species."  According to their report, this weed quickly colonized 10,000 acres of forest.  It spread so rapidly there were no bare spots left on the forest floor.  The state of Oregon would have been foolish not to address this.  As foolish as we are not to address, as Hebrews 12:1 says, "the sin that so easily entangles us."

The problem in trying to eradicate the "slender false brome" is that it isn't an ugly weed.  The neighborhoods surrounding the forest were unaware that what looked like an unusual type of grass was killing the forest and their yards slowly but surely.

Perhaps today you'll ask the Creator of the perfect garden to reveal the weeds, both obvious and disguised, that are growing in the soil of your soul.  As he does, allow him to dig down to the root to remove any trace of the sin that entangles so you will become fully grown in the Lord.

Remembering...

Anniversaries mark an event that was memorable and important. We celebrate wedding anniversaries and we remember events that changed lives. Days like September 11th, 2001, the day we lost a job, got divorced or a love one passed away. Today is an anniversary in our family...a day we will never forget.

Our youngest daughter put her feelings in an email and did it so well I want to share them with you.

"I'm sure most of your remember this day a year ago. It is one that I seldom forget. A year ago "our" sweet Pop-Pop went home to be with the Lord! I can just imagine him there now! There have been so many wonderful events and moments that he has been able to see from the best seat in the house! :) I know you all miss him and share with me on a day like today where I wish he was still here! I hope you all take time to remember what Pop-Pop meant to each of you and celebrate a YEAR of his life with our sweet Heavenly Father!

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You'll never know dear how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away!"

For those of you who were wondering who sings the song on the video, it is David Crowder.  I first heard this song on a blog called "Bring the Rain," a powerful story of struggle in the life of a young mom.  Someone sent the link to me, and after hearing what the content was I really, really didn't want to read it, however, after taking a quick look, I knew that God was going to use this woman's journey in my life.  And indeed he has.

Here is the link:  http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com

All I Can Say

Enter this "thin place" at your own risk.

Still thinking about "thin places."  Troubled by my avoidance of them all the while knowing relief is offered there.  Intimacy with the Almighty that calls me to trust and let go.  Such a foreign concept to most.  Wanting to learn to be inspired rather than impulsive.  Yearning to "step back into the gentle, transforming silence of attentiveness, paying attention to what I am feeling and surrendering those feelings to God."  

A sweet friend of mine who has had an unbelievably difficult two years, sent me this article which has resonated in me and caused me to ask myself how often I go to the "thin places."

"Often when we use the term "thin," it connoted weakness, such as our patience is wearing thin, or thinning paint, or judging content to be thin.  Celtic spirituality, however, puts a completely different spin on thin.

The Celtics called something thin when the veil between this kingdom and God's becomes transparent enough for us to glimpse God's presence near us.  "Thin places," the Celtics said, are those moments when we can see God's loving hand at work in our life.  Places and moments become thin when someone remembers your pain or offers a helping hand, when words of love arrive unexpectedly, whenever a friend shares tears or belly shaking laughter.  Jesus, of course, was especially thin by Celtic definition.  In his life, we see God the most clearly.

"Thin places" are stopping places where men and women are given pause to wonder about what lies beyond the mundane rituals, the grief, trials and boredom of our day-to-day life.  They probe to the core of the human heart and open the pathway that leads to satisfying the familiar hungers and yearnings common to all people on earth, the hunger to be connected, to be a part of something greater, to be loved, to find peace.  And that "thin place" is found only in Jesus Christ."

A couple of reasons to smile!

The headlines have been particularly grim these past few weeks.  Thousands of people in Asia are trying to recover from a horrible devastation.  The loss of life is staggering.  It is reminiscent of 911, and the tsunami several years ago.  I can hardly get my mind around it.  And I wonder what I can do to help.  

Closer to home the race for president continues to be a boxing match with each hopeful pounding away at their competition.  Then, as I recently heard on the radio, "four imperious and unelected justices have just overridden the will of the voters in California" in regard to same sex marriage.  A little closer to home crime is on the rise and everyone seems to be doing what is right in their own eyes.  Lots of discouraging news.

Honestly, there are days when I vacillate between pulling the covers over my head or packing up all those who are dear to me and finding some little spot on the earth where there are no blaring headlines.  Even though those options are appealing that is not what I have been called to.  And truth be told these disturbing days are nothing new.  Go back a few thousand years and read about the Greek and Roman empire.

According to historians, both empires suffered from social, cultural and moral decay. Lawlessness and violence crippled their economy.  The rich got richer and in their quest for constant pleasure they did whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted to whomever they wanted.  The average citizen lost their voice as the powerful became even more powerful.

"British historian Catherine Edwards demonstrated that our current examples of immorality are not a modern phenomenon.  In her study she found that abortion and exposure were common ways to prevent childbirth in Rome.  Life became cheap in the latter days of the Roman Empire.  Burdensome regulation and taxes made manufacturing and trade unprofitable. Eventually, children were seen as a needless burden and abortion and infanticide became commonplace."

Sound familiar?  Doesn't that describe the world today?  Everyone deciding the rules for themselves.  Everyone trying desperately to soothe the never-ending ache within.  That was the world that Jesus was born in to...the world we live in today.

Jesus came with such unbelievable news.  "God, the Father, sent me to show you where real, soul satisfying life is found.  You don't have to search in vain any longer.  The days of profound loneliness and hopelessness are over.  I love you and I'll never stop.  During your darkest hour I'll be there.  My plan for you will fit you to a tee.  I will cleanse you, rescue you and give you rest.  You will experience beauty, love and peace like never before.  Just come to me." (my paraphrase)

So while living on an obscure island sounds good, I'm called to continue what Jesus began...sharing the truth of the Gospel.  And when I am discouraged with the way things are I remember that it's not over yet.  One day every knee will confess that Jesus is Lord.  In the meantime I need to be on my knees.

Tuesday, April 29th, was one of those days where gladness and sadness were co-mingled all day long. One year ago our sweet granddaughter came into the world. I cannot imagine my life without her in it. But Tuesday was also the day my sweet friend Lou passed away, after a courageous three year battle with cancer. And I am wondering how my life and those of her husband and sons will be without her. Life and death. Joy and sorrow. How can emotions that are polar opposites exist in the same space?

Much to my surprise, Lou's husband asked me to share some about the Lou I knew and loved. I was scared, humbled and excited. Lou and I had talked openly about her death. Those conversations became the meat of what I shared.

"Four years ago I met Lou for the first time. Our path might never have crossed if it wasn’t for our mutual desire to know God better. I can still remember the first gathering she came to. I asked her pointedly why she wanted to be in a Bible study. She said that she had recently quit work and decided there were three important things she wanted to do. “First”, she said with a little smile and twinkle in her eye, “I want to spend more time with my boys and my husband. Secondly, I want to lose weight!” And then with a touch of awe in her voice she said, “I want to study the Bible and really know God.”

After she answered, I was struck with her elegance; her ready, beautiful, smile and her tender heart. And I was immediately bowled over with her enthusiasm to know Christ better. And if my memory serves me correctly, I was speechless. But so were the rest of the girls in the group. You see Lou had walked into a gathering of women she barely knew and laid it right out there. We all fell in love with her right away.

Lou was always ready. Every week she came armed with her Bible and her homework completed. She was ready to dive in, ready to listen, ready to laugh, ready to bare our burdens, and ready to pray. Sometimes to look at her during Bible study was like watching a flower open up to the sun. Lou didn’t come to Bible study with expectations, she came with expectancy. Her heart was like a sponge, her faith child-like.

Over the years we have studied Exodus, the Gospel of Mark, the book of Acts. And this summer, after the official Bible study ended, the girls in the Bible study read the book Calm My Anxious Heart, which meant so much to Lou.

Lou was curious and diligent throughout the years we all studied together. And as her health began to fail she spoken openly and honestly with me about what she believed to be true. She had a certainty of hope that was anchored in God’s love for her and believed that God sent his Son and her believing in him would guarantee her eternal life. Lou believed that with her whole heart. She also knew that we all were created to have fellowship with God; but because of our own stubborn self-will we chose to go our own way, but in spite of that God made a way for us to know him through his son and to experience his love and design for our lives. Lou reached the place where she went from being religious to being in a relationship with God. And because of that relationship she knew great peace even in the midst of her darkest hours.

Over the past few months I’ve seen her stack of “Get Well” cards and inspirational books grow. As I handed her yet another book to add to the stack I realized that what we all wanted to do was to give her relief, peace and encouragement. However, after each visit with Lou I was the one who came away with relief, peace and encouragement. Because she was experiencing first hand what I worry about…Will God really show up? Will he be enough? Her answer was yes, he was present in every situation she faced. We all worry about if we will be able to walk through the valley of the shadow of death and not be afraid? She spoke of the peace and strength she found through him. That didn’t mean that she didn’t agonize over her not being there for Russell and Luke, not being able to love and support Mark, not enjoying her family and friends. She still struggled with being terminally ill. But she struggled well. With such earnestness she spoke to me of putting her hand in Jesus’ hand like a trusting child and letting her gentle Savior lead her on.

There is a cavernous hole left without Lou. I will miss her radiant smile, dancing eyes, and lovely hands. I will miss hearing her saying, “I love you sweetie” each time I left her. But I rest in what Lou rested in...

O God, you are my God,

earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you,

my body longs for you,

in a dry and weary land

where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary

and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life,

my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,

and in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods,

with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

On my bed I remember you;

I think of you through the watches of the night.

Because you are my help,

I sing in the shadow of your wings.

My soul clings to you;

your right hand upholds me."

Psalm 63

It was right there in the front yard...one droplet of water clinging to a leaf no bigger than a sewing needle. One droplet teeming with life reminding me of God's artistry.

One of the curses of being female, much to the dismay of our male counterparts, is that we have the capacity to feel a large range of emotions within a small period of time. Like within seconds! My husband was hopeful that once I passed the menopausal stage I would find an emotion and stick with it. Now what fun would that be? Besides, in order to have stages there must be something before and after...right? So, now I'm in the post-menopausal, empty-nest, testing ways to counter the effects of gravity, wondering why I'm not further along in my spiritual life, starting to talk about my health issues over dinner with friends stage. Did I mention my feet hurt?!

So, what's been on your mind lately? Have you been troubled, deeply moved, irritated, discouraged, encouraged, freed, convicted, challenged, or blessed in the recent past? Oh let me count the ways!

I've been troubled over friends who are battling cancer. Deeply moved by the men and women we recently met in China who have commited their lives to Christ despite intense persecution. Irritated with the constant barage of paid political announcements. Discouraged about my lack of faith. Encouraged that my lack of faith doesn't change the truth that God is crazy about me. Freed from crud that used to weigh me down. Convicted about sharing Jesus more boldly. Challenged to let go of my strategies. And blessed with relationships of great depth. However, I've also battled with less lofty thoughts. I can wrap my brain around something so insignificant and park it there for hours.

Wouldn't it be dandy if you could install an easily accessible switch, perhaps artfully hidden behind an ear, that would turn your brain off and on? I think I'll work on that. Hey, if they can transplant a heart, give you the face of a twenty year old, how difficult can it be? But until then, I'll stick to the solution God gives:

"Friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things, true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious, the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practise what you have learned from me, what you have heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." (Philippians 4:8-9)

My daughters have been on my mind alot this week. I still can hardly believe our youngest is married, and the oldest is thirty. But this morning my thoughts have been about Jackie, the middle child. She's the one who always jokes about not having as many childhood pictures as her sisters do because she was the "middle child". Truth be told, I probably screwed up with her more than her sisters. And during one of the most difficult times in her life, I was more concerned with her behavior than her heart. But inspite of that, Jackie invites me into the deep places of her soul. There I see a picture of redeemption and restoration which drops me to my knees in thankfulness.

Thirty years ago, on a balmy evening just like tonight, I was feeling the beginning pangs of labor with our first child. I remember being terrified and yet eager to meet this one who had given me indigestion and rumbled around in my belly for nine months! Nothing, however, had prepared me for the first time I looked into her little face. Never before that day had I believed in "love at first sight." Thirty years later I'm still in awe that God has allowed me to be the mother of this amazing young woman. And "love at first sight" has deepened into love at every sight.





Happy Birthday my blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty, Kelly.

It is always a pleasant surprise when I receive a comment on a posting. My prayer from my first entry has been that anyone who stumbles onto my blog would know that my life changed in 1967 by knowing Jesus and that my journey continues on only because of Jesus. I still struggle every single day. But I am in great company. From Genesis to Revelation, God's Word gives us story after story of men and women who had such promise but blew it. God wasn't after perfection in them and he isn't in me. He wants my trust, love and obedience and he gives me the ability to do those things through the power of his own spirit - the Holy Spirit.

One year ago, I began this blog which I entitled, "Traveling A Long Time in the Same Direction". The thought behind the title was to encapsulate what my spiritual journey had been and what I hoped it would continue to be...following Christ. That hasn't changed. However, I think my title needs a subtitle, one that might read like this..."When God Takes You Off-Road".

Since my last entry, way back in November, I've been eating a lot of dust. That brings up a memory. A few years ago I was riding on the back of an all terrain vehicle with no shock absorbers over a ditch-filled, pot-holed, rocky parcel of land. I bounced around in the back of that truck like a golf ball in a tumble dryer. And that sucker kicked up so much dust I was cleaning it out my ears and nose for hours afterwards. That pretty accurately describes where my head and heart have been.

For those who think people follow Christ because it is the easy way out of life or that they just use God as a crutch, well, they don't know the Christ I follow. I would love to tell you that if you give your life to Christ it will be like a nice, smooth, newly paved road. It is anything but. However, even at my most desperate moments (I had one of those yesterday) I would not trade knowing Jesus for anything. I've a lot more to say on that but let me close with a poem that never fails to touch me...I wish I'd written it.

The Road of Life

At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge,

keeping track of the things I did wrong,

so as to know whether I merited heaven

or hell when I die.

He was out there sort of like a president

I recognized His picture when I saw it,

but I really didn't know Him.

But later on

when I met Christ,

it seemed as though life were rather like a bike ride,

but it was a tandem bike,

and I noticed that Christ

was in the back helping me pedal.

I don't know just when it was

that He suggested we change places,

but life has not been the same since.

When I was in control,

I knew the way.

It was rather boring,

but predictable...

It was the shortest distance between two points.

But when He took the lead,

He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains

and through rocky places

at breakneck speeds,

it was all I could do to hang on!

Even though it looked like madness,

He said, "Pedal!"

I worried and was anxious and asked,
"Where are you taking me?"

He laughed and didn't answer,

and I started to learn to trust.

I forgot about my boring life

and entered into the adventure.

And when I'd say, "I'm scared,"

He'd lean back and touch my hand.

I did not trust Him, at first,

in control of my life.

I thought He'd wreck it;

but He knows bike secrets,

knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners,

knows how to jump to clear high rocks,

knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.

And I am learning to shut up and pedal

in the strangest places,

and I'm beginning to enjoy the view

and the cool breeze on my face

with my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ.

And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore,

He just smiles and says..."Pedal."

-author unknown